Losing you, losing you again
by BigBlackEyes
Summary: Edward and Bella were always happily in love. When fatal events take place can they get back to together?
1. Loss

_**Hey guys! I absolutely flipped when I got this idea and started writing right away. I hope my efforts make you happy with ths chappie! :)**_

**Loss**

Edward was supposed to be back by now. He had been gone for three months because the Oxford sent him on a music tour as he is taking a music major. He is a better pianist than any of the famous. He was BEST most romantic boyfriend ever.

He called me when he was boarding the plane. I even heard the engine of it growling behind him.

_Phone call:_

_RING, RING! My phone screamed. I ran to it and saw Edwards name flash. I grinned. I had to hear his voice again! I hastily answered the call and held the phone painfully to my ear._

"_Hey love." He said in his smooth velvety voice. I knew it sounds pathetic but I had to sit down. I collapsed on the nearest chair in our apartment._

"_Edward!" I gasped unable to say anything to say anything else._

_He chuckled lightly and I could almost see him smiling my favourite crooked smile._

"_I'm on the plane love. I'll be in London in 2 hours. I can't wait to see you. I love you too much. I love you see you soon." He finished but I couldn't let him hang up yet._

"_I love you to my Edward"_

"_My Bella" And then he hung up._

_End of Phone call_

He had called me nearly 3 hours ago. I was getting frantic. I knew he would never cheat. He was too loving to me and me to him. I drove to the airport. I was speeding actually. I got a ticket which totally pissed me off. Not the ticket. The fact that I was delayed.

I ran to platform 4 where the flight from Paris was coming in. I ran to the window and pressed myself against the glass but Edward's plane didn't come.

I finally took a moment to take in my surroundings. Everywhere I looked on the platform I saw children and adults crying and flight attendants trying to comfort them but looking like they wanted to cry too.

My head started spinning and I felt a sob come up NO… no…

I went up to the nearest attendant. "What… happened…"Although I didn't know if I wanted to hear an answer. She looked up at me her blue eyes wet.

"The plane from Paris… Faulty engines… torn off wing… They would have been lucky to have survived… the camera watchers said it burst into flames… they don't think people could've survived… and if they did they would have severe injuries." My mind was wiped blank. My Edward can't be dead, NO! I loved him too much. He couldn't please… please. He can't die. I gripped an armrest and started crying letting the tears flow freely. The attendant started crying too. We sat together helplessly on the floor. Collapsing against each other we cried. I stayed until five. I hugged her and she hugged me back and then I stumbled towards the entrance. My Edward gone… It couldn't be true. When I walked out I saw Alice, Emmett and Jasper waiting there, close to tears themselves. Edward was Alice and Emmett's brother and they looked visibly broken.

I was still crying for my Edward. I don't know what happened but I collapsed. Broken. Unconscious. But internally screaming for my Edward.

**_Did you guys like it? Is it to sad or not sad enough? Did you guys like it? Please let me know!_**

**_BigBlackEyes_**

**_XOXOXOXOXOXOX_**


	2. Nothing into something

_**Hope you guys like this chappie! I'm sorry that its a bit long. I got a bit carried away 3 pages! ooops! Anyway ENJOY!**_

**Nothing into something**

These last few years being now 23. I have been alive but dead since my Edward… died. It has been 5 years and they have been years of hell. Of course I took into account that he might be alive but when I saw how it had crashed on the news with Alice and Emmett all my hope shattered leaving me and Alice crying all over each other while Emmett held us trying not to cry himself.

They somehow tried and managed to move on with their lives always berating me to do the same and get another boyfriend at that point I had snapped and screamed at them. How could _I_ get a new boyfriend when all my love is still with Edward? How _was I _supposed to get on with my live when Edward _was_ my life? Of course I apologised rapidly to my friends but they understood and forgave me.

I would act happy for my friends but since Rosalie lived with Emmett and Alice lived with Jasper in their apartments I was left alone in Me and Edwards apartment and though all of them asked me all the time to live with them I couldn't. First I didn't want to spoil their love nests and secondly watching them be together 24/7 happily in love would make my heart hurt and split in half. It was bad enough in the daytime when Alice took us on ENDLESS shopping trips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"BELLA! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED WE NEED TO GO!" Alice shouted in my ear. For a pixie she had A LOT stored. I tried to swat her but she flitted away. I groggily looked up at her through my lashes

"Alice!" I groaned "Not _again!_"

"Yes again. I found cute red top that would look GREAT on you it will"- I blanked out after that and made my way to the bathroom. I don't know why I gave Alice the spare key!

I was finally able to get over… _him_. I couldn't say his name it would hurt so much. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were practically beaming when they noticed the change in me and no move to do ANYTHING that would remind me of him.

I had a steaming hot shower to wake me up and I used my favourite strawberry body wash. He liked the smell. It was the only thing that reminded me of him and I couldn't give it up.

I brushed my teeth quickly and I walked back into my bedroom in my bath robe. Alice had laid a sky blue strapless dress on my bed. I slipped it on and fitted the white belt on my waist. I shrugged on the white half cardigan and slipped on blue flats that matched my dress. Thank you Alice. With my klutziness I would've died within 2 minutes of even wearing the tiniest heels.

I walked over to my bedroom door and knocked twice. It was a signal for Alice to say that it was safe to come in. Not to my surprise Alice and _Rosalie_ came in gaping at how I looked.

"OMG THAT OUTFIT LOOKS SOOOO CUTE ON YOU!" They both screamed in unison as they came and hugged me.

When they let go of me they looked at me expectantly. I sighed and went to sit down in the _makeup chair_. As soon as I sat down Alice started on my makeup and Rosalie plugged in the straightener.

When they were _finally_ done I looked at myself and gasped as I always did. My hair had been straightened perfectly, bouncing on my shoulders. My lips had a light pink gloss and my eyes were more outlined and defined with eyeliner and mascara and my eye shadow was a light grey making my eyes look slightly smoky. I squealed and jumped into my best friends arms. "Thank you guys SO much!"

When I turned around I saw Rosalie with a face of mock seriousness "I know you look gorgeous Bella so don't try anything funny with my Emmett 'kay?" We all laughed but I became jealous of the way she could say my Emmett. I wish I could say my Edward…

I took a large gulp and linked arms with Alice and Rosalie and together we walked down to the garage. Jasper and Emmett were waiting for us at the mall. I can't believe Alice managed to rope them into our shopping trip.

Emmett enveloped me in a bone crushing hug and then moved to Alice but she screamed and hid behind Jasper making us all chuckle.

Alice managed to drag us through 10 different stores before she let us have lunch. I had a constant blush on my face. Half the articles Alice had bought were for me and I hate it when people spend money on me. And because I have probably fell at least 5 times.

I poked and prodded my burger, not in the mood for eating. Normally at this time me and Edward would've escaped Alice and we would be at home watching a movie but now…

I turned around staring longingly at the exit when I saw my lovely bronze haired green eyed Edward. _My _Edward. I wanted to scream his name but I couldn't find my voice. I nudged Alice and made her turn around her eyes grew wide and grin broke out on her face like mine. We both turned around,

"WE FOUND HIM! EDWARD! WE FOUND EDWARD AND HE IS RIGHT OVER THERE!" We shouted at them. They all stood bolt upright and looked to where we were pointing. They all grinned and started running to him. I did too but I feel short. Hanging on his arm was a girl who looked like a supermodel; she had strawberry blonde hair and unfriendly blue eyes that said "_If you come near him you'll be sorry." _My heart sunk. He has another girlfriend? I could feel the tears well up in my eyes threatening to spill. I used all my effort to keep them at bay. I then slowly walked towards the others.

Alice jumped on his back and Rosalie fell into his chest. Emmett and Jasper hugged them all together and I saw blondie gap in surprise. When they broke apart my Edward was beaming and hugging them all individually explaining to her that this was his family.

I stopped just behind Alice. She saw me and put her arm around me. I didn't feel any better though.

"And who are you?" I heard a velvety voice asked me. I nearly gasped. It really was _my_ Edward although he wasn't really mine now he was this girl's. I felt my heart shatter at the thought.

Alice nudged me back into reality. "Uh… I'm Bella." I whispered quietly making sure not to look in his eyes as I always got lost in them.

We all then turned to stare at blondie she blushed lightly. Nothing like how my blush was burning. Edward saw us staring and tightly wound his arm around her… like he used to do to me.

"This is Tanya. She is my girlfriend. We just moved here. We live next to Oxford. We just got enrolled." He announced proudly. He bent down and kissed… Tanya on the cheek. She closed her eyes and snuggled into him. The shards of my heart shattered again leaving it barely there. My heart ached uncontrollably. I wished _I_ was the girl under Edwards protective arm.

Alice squealed. "We go to Oxford too! Including Bella!" She said hastily including me. Edward didn't seem to take much interest in me. I slowly snuck out of the crowd. Alice held her car keys to the Porsche and I took them. I would have to thank her later.

I ran to the car, falling twice and drove out. I fought tears all the way. I parked the car badly and ran to my apartment feeling lucky that I was in the same building as Alice and Rose. I fumbled with the key to my apartment the tears already starting to flow making my hands shake. I dropped the key twice but finally managed to wrench the door open. I stumbled in slamming the door. I collapsed on my bed letting the tears rake through me like they had on that fateful day. I curled into a ball feeling so broken that I thought my body would fall apart.

I was still crying when Alice and Rose came in. They wound their arms around me like I had to Rose in the airport when she lost her little sister and was still a flight attendant trying to pay for college like me. They didn't say anything. They let me cry and cry. I was spoiling their new tops but they didn't care. I didn't think I would ever stop. I was in an endless pain that would never be cured.

The man I loved and still did didn't love me. My Edward didn't love me anymore. He wouldn't even look at me.

He's got someone else to love.

_**Awwwww! Poor Bells! Tell me wot you guys think. It would be much apreciateded! (I think I spelt that wrong! ooooops!)**_

_**BigBlackEyes**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOX**_


	3. All the time

_**Hey guys I hope you all like this chappie cause I worked SUPER hard on it. I would LOVE for you to tell me if you like it in a review.**_

_**We all know how much it sucks when you get 300 hits and now reviews!**_

**All the time**

I see Edward nearly every day now but the pain never goes away. He's always with Tanya. Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jasper would all go over to his apartment in the weekends but I would never go. He still wouldn't even say hello. Am I really that repulsive?

"He remembers the plane crash but then he became unconscious. He was taken to hospital with severe amnesia and many broken bones and burns. All he remembered was his name, birthday and family. He couldn't remember where he lived or what college he was going to. He bought an apartment in London and he got a call from Oxford wondering where he was. He met Tanya there on his first day apparently they just clicked. He's been with her ever since. They live together now" Alice had told me. They all hated Tanya as much as I did. I know it wasn't her fault though but it's sort of like she stole him from me.

But was I really that unimportant to Edward that he would forget about me and remember his family? He remembered Rosalie and Jasper and they weren't even related to him. Did I really mean that little to him? Did he really love me as much as he always told me?

It's good that I don't have any classes with him or I might've died. It's good that he's still taking a music course and I'm taking writing major. I want to be an author or a journalist. It used to be hell when Edward did love me. I longed to be with him but now seeing him with her made me want to crawl in a hole and dye crying.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I quickly got sick as winter approached. Sometimes I had to get hospitalized it got so bad. I've got a sucky immune system.

I stayed in bed for a couple of days but it got really bad. I got a whooping cough and a blocked nose. Alice and Rose actually stayed with me and missed school to nurse me. I love them to death.

It was Friday so everyone ended class early. Emmett and Jasper came over. I didn't really care about that but they dragged along Edward and _Tanya_. She would just make me more sick. I thought they wanted me to get _better._

I remember when Edward used to nurse me. I would always get better. He stood in the doorway of my room with an emotionless face holding on to Tanya. She hid her face in his shirt so she wouldn't get _infected_ by me.

"Why are you even here?" I squeaked in his direction but this only brought on another roll of coughs. Worse still Edward didn't answer but Tanya did the talking for him.

"Yeah Edward?" She whined "Why are we here listening to this snotty klutz cough and sneeze?" I was offended and sad but even more crushed when Edward didn't object to anything she said. Rose snapped though. She walked to the door and slapped Tanya across the face making Edward growl. Alice followed in suite but slapped her other cheek making Tanya scream. Edward was in shock and scooped a crying Tanya in his arms and walked out of my room slamming the apartment door behind him.

I started crying and coughing at the same time. Not a good mix. I choked on my sob and it stayed there choking me, making it hard to breath. I heard them calling the ambulance and I felt someone picking me up.

Blood was pounding in my head and I felt an air mask close on my face, but after that I didn't notice anything else. It was blackness.

_**EPOV**_

I couldn't understand it. I remembered all the others but not her. Why though? Alice told me I should know her and that she was really important and then she got all offended when I said she wasn't important to me and probably never would be.

She is beautiful though and kind to her friends. Long mahogany hair and chocolate brown eyes that contrast against her porcelain skin.

I went to see her with Tanya and the others today. She looked so frail and broken and sick of course. I just stood in the doorway trying to remember before the plane crash before I heard her small voice frail and sad.

"Why are you even here?" She asked me looking down at the bed and the sad thing was. _I couldn't _answer because I didn't know the answer all I knew is that her name is Bella and she is _supposed _to be important to me.

I've got Tanya now though but I'm not sure if I love her. How do you know? I asked my father and her said you just find it but how? Not once has she said that she loves me although I have said to her loads though I was probably lying. Tanya could be bitchy though.

"Yeah Edward? Why are we here listening to this snotty klutz cough and sneeze?" Yeah this would be one of those times. I looked at Bella's face and saw sadness wash over her. Then I heard two sharp slaps and Tanya cry out. Alice and Rose had both slapped her senseless. My own _sister!_ Although I couldn't work out if I was angry or pleased. I scooped Tanya up in my arms and walked out, slamming the doors behind still wondering why I didn't drop her and run.

As I walked out of the building I saw an ambulance come and park right in front of it and paramedics run inside.

Yeah you could say I wasn't in a relationship that I was happy with. But actually I was and even though I was pissed with Tanya right now I still liked her and I wish my family would get that.

Yeah I know I'm crazy when it comes to this. Get used to it!  
I had to make amends with Bella though.

**_Did you guys like it? I had to get a way to make Edward soften uo to Bella_**

**_PLEASE REVIEW_**

**_BigBlackEyes_**

**_XOXOXOXOXOX_**


	4. Sorry

_**Hiya! I cant believe that this chappie is longer than my last. My hands are totally aching! I hope you guys like it though. I tried to make it funny. Tell me what you think in a review kay? I got loads of hits though and if you all reviewed I would sleep with a smile! :)**_

**Sorry**

_**BPOV**_

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FREAKING FAULT!" Ugh! I had just woken up and _that_ is what I have to hear Alice screaming from outside my door? _Damn._

"How is all _my_ fault?" A velvety voice questioned. Oh great it was Edward. Here to look at me weirdly again mate?

Then I remembered what happened. I remembered his stare. What Tanya said. How he didn't object and how he always kissed and held her. How he loves her.

I still love him. I always did and I always will. He used to love me to. He said in unconditional. But he lied. There _was_ a condition and he lost me and I lost him. I sobbed. I had opened the floodgates once more. And although all this stung so badly and made me feel like an empty shell I knew I loved him and this wasn't his fault. Of course it wasn't! _He_ wasn't flying the plane. _He _didn't make the plane!

"OKAY NUMBER ONE YOUR DATING THAT SELF CENTERED WHORE! NUMBER TWO YOU LOOK AT BELLA AS IF SHE ISNT THERE OR LIKE SHE'S AN UGLY HAG WHICH SHE IS NOT! NUMBER THREE YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE WHEN TANYA SAID THAT. I BET YOU WERE THINKING THE SAME THING TO WEREN'T YOU? I DON'T CARE I YOU GOT FREAKING AMNESIA! YOU STILL REMEMBERED US. YOU EVEN REMEMBERED ROSE AN JASPER AND THEY AREN'T IN THE FAINTEST BIT RELATED TO YOU! YET YOU CANT EVEN REMEMBER BELLA! SHE WAS YOU FREAKING GIRLFRIEND AND LOVE AND EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY YOU WOULD DECLARE YOUR LOVE FOR HER. YOU SPENT NEARLY ALL OF YOUR FREAKING TIME WITH HER. HELL YOU LIVED WITH HER FOR GOD'S SAKE. YOU SPENT MORE TIME WITH HER THEN US! AND YET YOU REMEMBERED US BUT NOT HER? NOW GET YOUR ASS IN THERE AND THINK A LITTLE!" Ah friends so loving, so gentle. You love 'em to death

I heard the door open but I was still sobbing. I realised that the only reason he was coming in here was because Alice made him. He wasn't doing this for choice he would probably want to be back with Tanya watching some movie while she cuddled on his lap. The thought made the floodgates snap and just pour water without any indication of stopping.

I heard two throat clearing coughs. I looked up but my tears made it blurry. I tried to dry my eyes but it was impossible. I blinked a few times and was finally able to see.

"So your awake?" He said it more like a question. He looked uncomfortable, sitting by my bed.

"Obviously." I tried to keep my voice steely but it didn't work. "I heard you got part 1 of Alice's whiplash." I had to let the humour and seriousness leak into my voice.

His eyes grew wide and his face became matted with fear. "Part 1? And umm how many parts would there be?" His voice was shaky and I supressed a laugh

"Around 5 if you're lucky if not around 8." I told him a smile playing at my lips.

"Shit, shit, shit!" He cursed under his breath and this time I couldn't hold back my giggle. I heard him chuckle with me. My favourite sound. So musical…

But then I remembered why he was here. My lip trembled and I blinked twice trying to keep the tears in but one slipped out trickling down my already wet face, leaving a thin trail.

"Don't cry… please?" He murmured soothingly. I managed to hold the floodgate in.

"Bella ever since I came… back into everybody's life they have all been berating me saying that _you _are the one I loved and still should. I have been getting on their nerves. I don't know why I don't remember you. I have been trying ever since they told me about you… and I. I am extremely sorry that I have been treating you badly and I am even more sorry that I have made you cry and have pain all these times. Alice told me you still… love me and that I used to love you but now… I'm sorry Bella but I love Tanya now. I'm sorry I caused you pain and sorrow but this won't work. I'm sorry Bella." He finished softly. He squeezed my hand and as he did I felt a spark shoot through my body. It was no different from when he used to touch me before. I relished the feeling and closed my eyes, trying to stay strong.

I heard him stand up and walk to the door quietly closing it after him. As soon as I heard his footsteps disappear I opened my eyes and immediately started sobbing. That was it. I now officially had no hope of having my Edward back. He didn't love me anymore. It was official. He loved Tanya. I wanted my Edward back so much because he hadn't changed on bit. He still had the same smile, the same charm, humour, personality. He was still caring and kind and everything else you could hope for.

I cried and cried. Alice and Rose flew through the door once more and closed their arms around me, rocking me like a baby until I fell into an uneasy slumber.

_**EPOV**_

I awoke early this morning. I carefully got out of bed so I didn't wake Tanya and quickly cleaned up. I sped to Bella's apartment in my Volvo. I spent the whole time thinking about what to say.

Should I be blunt and just tell her I don't love her? She seemed pretty emotional. I didn't want to put her through any more pain. Should I spin a long tale about it? I wanted her to know that I wanted forgiveness and her friendship but nothing more. I loved Tanya… wait did I?

After the whole slap episode Tanya has become way more clingy I'm not saying I don't like it but it's just getting annoying. She's 22 I think she should know how to look after herself.

Beads of sweat were breaking out on my forehead as I stepped into the elevator. I was still thinking about… well everything. Alice told me that I used to love Bella and that she still loves me. She told me I should remember her. All of this is confused me and rolled around in my head. I wished I wasn't in the plane crash. I wish I never had amnesia. I wish that I had a normal life.

I was going to tell all of this to Bella. I knew she would understand or at least listen. I heard the elevator ding and open. I walked out and at a snail's pace I walked to Bella's apartment. It's weird thinking that I used to share it.

I knocked on the door softly and stood there waiting, rocking on my heels. No one came to the door. Bella should be awake it was 10. I knocked louder. I waited again. No answer. I started to get. Was Bella alright in there? I hoped so.

I put my hand on the doorknob and turned in and to my surprise in opened. I ran inside, my thoughts still swimming

"BELLA?" I called frantically. I ran into every room but Bella had vanished. I started to get scared. All my thoughts vanished. Where was Bella?

I called Alice. She answered on the first ring. "What do you want Edward?" Her voice was bitter and sorrowful. I was surprised.

"Alice where's Bella? She's not in her apartment." My voice seemed to worried and frantic to me.

"Why would _you _care?" Ouch that one stung.

"I need to speak to her Al _where is she?"_ I was getting annoyed now.

"She's in hospital. She's unconscious. She was choking." What? _Shit, shit, shit_!

"What? How?" I asked although I was already in the elevator.

"When you left yesterday her cough got worse but she choked because she started crying."

Oh God. Holy Crap. This was my fault. And Tanya's as well but I never even talked to her or looked at her nicely and she _loves_ me. I can't believe I've put her through so much pain. I thanked Alice and hung up on her.

I ran to my car and speeded to the hospital. I charmed the lady at the counter to let me see Bella and I ran down various halls and corridors but when I got to her room I saw Alice guarding the door, sending me death glares.

_Oh shit._

""THIS IS ALL YOUR FREAKING FAULT!" She screamed at me and even though I deserved it I still tried to defend myself. I needed to know what had happened all this time even if it did mean getting screamed at.

"How is it _my _fault." I questioned knowing I would get an answer finally.

"OKAY NUMBER ONE YOUR DATING THAT SELF CENTERED WHORE! NUMBER TWO YOU LOOK AT BELLA AS IF SHE ISNT THERE OR LIKE SHE'S AN UGLY HAG WHICH SHE IS NOT! NUMBER THREE YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE WHEN TANYA SAID THAT. I BET YOU WERE THINKING THE SAME THING TO WEREN'T YOU? I DON'T CARE I YOU GOT FREAKING AMNESIA! YOU STILL REMEMBERED US. YOU EVEN REMEMBERED ROSE AN JASPER AND THEY AREN'T IN THE FAINTEST BIT RELATED TO YOU! YET YOU CANT EVEN REMEMBER BELLA! SHE WAS YOU FREAKING GIRLFRIEND AND LOVE AND EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY YOU WOULD DECLARE YOUR LOVE FOR HER. YOU SPENT NEARLY ALL OF YOUR FREAKING TIME WITH HER. HELL YOU LIVED WITH HER FOR GOD'S SAKE. YOU SPENT MORE TIME WITH HER THEN US! AND YET YOU REMEMBERED US BUT NOT HER? NOW GET YOUR ASS IN THERE AND THINK A LITTLE!" It stung and left me only more confused but more than anything I started to get scared of Alice.

I walked into Bella's room. She looked even more frail than before. More easily broken. It broke me that I would have to break her heart again.

Bella was crying and crying. Her gown was wet and so were her bed sheets. I coughed twice although I wanted to comfort her I didn't know how I would.

She looked at me with sad brown wet eyes. She started drying them and then blinked a couple of times before looking back up at me still looking sad and broken.

"So your awake?" I can't believe I was so thoughtless. I mentally slapped myself.

"Obviously." I could see she was trying to keep her voice steely but she couldn't even though I deserved it. "I heard you got part 1 of Alice's whiplash." I could hear the humour and seriousness in her voice. Crap this was only part 1. _Damn_.

"Part 1? And umm how many parts would there be?" I asked getting so scared that my voice was shaky. I still knew I deserved whatever Alice had in store for me though.

"Around 5 if you're lucky if not around 8." God I'm in some deep crap. I could see a smile playing on Bella's lips though.

"Shit, shit, shit." I murmured under my breath but Bella heard. I heard her giggle. It was a beautiful sound I had to admit. It was like music. I was happy to see her close to happy but I would need to tell her soon and get back to Tanya before she started to worry… If she ever did.

Bella's face became sad again and I could see she was holding back tears although one broke through, leaving a trail on her face.

"Don't cry… please" I tried to make my voice soothing as I was sitting next to her. She stopped. Thankfully I never like seeing people cry. It made my heart break but it was more with Bella. Maybe it was because I knew I was going to break her heart soon anyway. I had to get it done and over with

"Bella ever since I came… back into everybody's life they have all been berating me saying that _you _are the one I loved and still should. I have been getting on their nerves. I don't know why I don't remember you. I have been trying ever since they told me about you… and I. I am extremely sorry that I have been treating you badly and I am even more sorry that I have made you cry and have pain all these times. Alice told me you still… love me and that I used to love you but now… I'm sorry Bella but I love Tanya now. I'm sorry I caused you pain and sorrow but this won't work. I'm sorry Bella." I finished softly and squeezed her hand. I felt a spark shoot through me and for some reason it was something I remembered but from where… I never felt it when I touched Tanya. Why?

Bella closed her eyes at my touch and became peaceful. I slowly walked out quietly closing the door. Alice was still glaring at me but she didn't say anything but as I left I thought I heard a sob from Bella's room. I immediately felt the urge to go in there and comfort her but I knew I couldn't I had to get back to Tanya.

I ran my hands into my already messy hair trying to figure out why I remembered that simple spark when I touched Bella. I wanted to go back and ask Alice but I was going to Tanya.

Tanya, Tanya, Tanya.

I really need to get out of this crap I call my life.

But there is too much I need to fix.

**_Come on guys you know what to do. PLEASE REVIEW! It would make my day_**

**_BigBlackEyes_**

**_XOXOXOXOXOX_**


	5. Life

_**Soz I havent updated. Even my dad was wondering if they were trying to kill us at school. I hope you guys like this chapter. Its a happy one. Thing FINALLY start to turn! :D**_

**Life**

_**BPOV**_

I tried to stay right out of Edward's way when I came out of the hospital. I don't know how much more I could take. Every time he would round a corner and come towards me I would turn around and go the other way.

I realised that Tanya was with him even more if that was possible. In my opinion she is _way_ to clingy.

Rose stayed with me but Alice left occasionally to shout at him or do sisterly stuff. I didn't blame her. After all he was her brother.

…xxxxxxxxxxx…

I was walking to Journalism when I saw Edward coming in my direction. I didn't have Rose to protect me. She was in the workshop. I didn't have Alice. She was in soft materials and design.

I couldn't turn around and run because I was late as it was and I was going in the _only_ route to the journalism room.

I didn't understand why Edward was coming this way. The music room was on the other side of the grounds!

I kept my head down so my hair formed a curtain between me and Edward. I started walking fast praying to the Lord I didn't trip. I tried to dodge him but I had no such luck.

I felt his hand lock around my wrist and pull me backwards gently. I felt the same nice feeling spark shoot up my arm. It made me feel better. He twirled me around so I was facing him but I still kept my head down. I knew that if I looked at him I would start crying.

His hand snaked out and cupped my chin and slowly and gently he pushed my head upwards to I was looking him in the eyes.

I didn't cry which was good but I was getting worried. What was he going to say? Why was he making me late for class?

"Bella this is ridiculous. When I told you I didn't love you I didn't mean I wanted you completely out of my life. I never wanted this. I just want to remember you and… figure you out. I want you as a friend. I hope _you_ want me as a friend. I hope I havent hurt you too much. _Can _I be your friend?" He asked sincerely. Then his face fell into an irresisteble pout.

I didn't want to block him out. I wanted to be comfortable around him and I wanted him to be comfortable around me.

"Yeah I'd like that. I'd like to be your friend." I said happily, giggling as I stuck out my hand for him to shake.

He took my hand, completely enveloping it and shook, smiling himself. "Thanks Bella. Hey umm Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett and I are gonna hang out at my place this evening wanna come?"

I turned my face into mock horror. "You made plans _without _me!" I said trying to act shocked and angry. Edward grinned my favourite crooked smile. "But yeah I'll come." Becoming myself again.

As I was talking the second bell rang. I swore under my breath. I didn't realise how long we had been talking. "Shit. Sorry I've made you late! Bye Bells!" He shouted already running towards the music room.

I walked into the class with a grin and I didn't even care when the teacher gave me extra homework. I was still grinning, _way _too happy too care. I was _finally_ past the pain and tears stage with Edward. I was happy with that even if we were only just friends.

_**EPOV**_

Ever since Bella came out of hospital she's been avoiding me like a plaugue. _Now_ I understand how she felt hurt, sad, alone… I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to get _out_ of that awkarad stage with her. I had to get into the friend zone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

I didn't care if I was terribly late for class. I didn't care I would mounds of extra work. I had to talk to Bella.

She had journalism this block and she was never late. I rounded the corner and saw her. Our eyes met for a quarter of a second and then she looked down and sped up her pace.

She tried to dodge me but I caught her wrist and gently pulled her back towards me. I felt that same spark shoot up my arm and make me feel warm like when I was with Bella in the hospital.

I twirled her around so she was facing me but she was still looking down. I gently cupped her chin in my hand and slowly pushed her face up so she was looking into my eyes. Emotions ran through them anxiety, sadness, surprise and confusion.

"Bella this is ridiculous. When I told you I didn't love you I didn't mean I wanted you completely out of my life. I never wanted this. I just want to remember you and… figure you out. I want you as a friend. I hope _you_ want me as a friend. I hope I havent hurt you too much. _Can _I be your friend?" I told her. I really wanted to be her friend. I really like Bella. My face turned into a pout once I finished. I could tell she wanted to be more then friends but… that I don't think would ever happen.

"Yeah I'd like that. I'd like to be your friend." She replied in a happy bubbly voice. It felt so more musical than hearing it dead and hollow. She giggled as she stuck out her hand for me to shake.

I grinned as I took her hand, totally brying it in mine and shook sealing that we were now friends. I had too include her now. If she realised that the others were coming over and she was left out she would be pissed and sad and I wouldn't blame her. I _want_ her to come over. I need to figure her out. It's getting annoying now…

"Thanks Bella. Hey umm Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett and I are gonna hang out at my place this evening wanna come?" I asked her. Her eyes lit up and she looked happy and natural.

"You made plans _without _me!" She cried trying to act shocked and angry. I grinned and chuckled at her but my laugh was droned out by the second bell ringing.

Crap. Smooth Edward. You make friends with Bella and then make her late in the process immediately dumping her with more work. Smooth.

"Shit. Sorry I've made you late! Bye Bells!" Already running to the music room but waving to her. Nothing else really mattered at this moment. I was _finally_ friends with Bella making her happy for once.

I had a grin plastered on my face as I ran not thinking about anything else. I felt the tonne of weight on my shoulders disapear.

My life was slowly beoming perfect.

One thing down one million more things to go.

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**_BigBlackEyes_**

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	6. Revenge

_**Hey guys. I have had this MEGA big project to do at school but to make it up to you I have written an extra long chapter. I hope you guys all like. I am trying to make it more light and happy and not so depressing. Tell me what you think by PM or a review. Thanks! :)**_

**Revenge**

_BPOV_

I feel so freaking disgusted with myself! ARGH! Why can't I just accept that we are just friends? I know why I STILL LOVE HIM! But like it matters _psssssh!_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BELLA GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL…" Ahhh. The sweet sound of _Alice_. I had been sitting in my room reading. I hadn't noticed that Alice had been waiting for me. I unplugged my iPod. Music was my _life. _I was feeling pretty pissed. I hated being late for _anything!_

I know you probably think I'm some weirdo with obsessive compulsive order now right? Well you're WRONG! HA!

I ran downstairs in simple red skinny jeans, purple tank top and a denim jacket kindly picked out for me by Alice. My shoes were simple purple ballet flats with a black bow at the tips.

We both walked down to Edward's apartment (Rose had already left with Emmett). Alice stretched out to knock but the door opened so quickly Alice nearly fell down the steps.

"BELLY!" Emmett screamed picking me up in a bone crushing hug. You'd think I'd be used to this after 5 years.

"Emmett… when you hug… someone you're not… supposed to kill… them" I somehow managed to choke out. Everybody but when Emmett put me down, he was grinning at me unashamed as usual.

Emmett turned to Alice and held his arms out wide. "Your turn" He said cheerily but you could see the evil tint in his eyes. Alice looked at his arms as if they were poisonous and screamed. She ran to Jasper and cowered behind him making everyone, including me laugh. When we had all calmed down I heard the T.V blasting in the other room.

Rose dragged me into the room. I saw that they were watching _Bedtime Stories_ and the T.V was totally belting it out.

"DON'T STOP BELIEVING!" I laughed as Emmett joined in with his booming voice almost deafening us all and before long we were all roaring it out over the T.V.

"DON'T STOP BELIEVING!" We were all terrible though and when he had all finished we had a laughing fit about it and we went to sit down.

I saw Tanya sitting pin straight on the couch, eyes glued to the screen, trying to force out a smile at us but it came out as a grimace… at me _of course_. I am just _that_ hateable.

What was stuck up _her _ass?

I felt the same sinking feeling as everybody sat one couch in couples, snug against each other. I felt my heart fall to my feet as Edward pulled Tanya onto his lap… but it was easier to ignore this time.

There were no more couches left so I had to curl up on the rug and all though everybody looked at me apologetically though I was happy. Finally _happy,_ _light._

When we finished the movie Rose, Alice and I were on the rug giggling about all the twist endings we had made up and the next time we looked up Emmett was carrying beer and wine and setting it down on the table. _Damn truth or dare Emmett style! FUCK!_

Emmett grinned down at us evilly. "TRUTH OR DARE BABY!" He screamed at us. We cleared the room and sat in the middle like little kids.

"Belly it isn't often when I am nice… but oh it hurts to say this… but you can start." He looked away trying to look hurt but I was happy it was payback for all the teasing and embarrassing dares and moments.

"Okay Emmett truth or dare?" I asked, a smile playing at my lips

"Why does everyone ask me the question DARE BABY!" He yelled at us.

"Fine I dare you to chug one bottle of wine or kiss Jazz tongue and all." I said evilly. Sweet revenge!

"What did I ever do to you Bells?" Jazz and Emmett asked at the same time

"Sorry Jazz but Em deserves it" I replied sporting a huge grin.

Emmett huffed before picking up the wine and taking a long chuck.

"This tastes like dog shit!" He whined

"You bought it SO CHUG IT PUSSY!" I yelled at him playfully

"I bought it cause I didn't think I would be the one drinking it!" He replied, yelling back. He had said the wrong thing. We were all sending him death glares now.

Emmett hastily brought the bottle back to lips and started chugging down. Within minutes it had gone and Rose was dragging him up the stairs to dunk his head in cold water.

We waited for Emmett as he had to give out the next dare and I knew it would be too me and I was getting pretty scared

Emmett came back, grinning his evil grin at me.

"Belly I made a mistake being nice to you so I shall be mean truth or dare?"

I knew if I said truth it would be something that would make me want to crawl in a whole and die. But the dare would to. It was unsafe playing this game with Emmett.

"Dare." I said trying not to look scared and failing miserably.

"I dare you to… wait"- He ran to the kitchen and came back with a bucket of water, chocolate and mustard power. _Shit! _

"I dare you to pour the water all over you, chocolate sauce then mustard powder and stay standing on one foot for 5 minutes" He said grinning down at me.

"I HATE YOU EMMETT CULLEN!" But all he did was laugh

"Revenges a bitch Bella" I heard a melodic voice whisper in my ear. Edward.

Oh yes it is.

I nodded at Edward saying _I know, _and edged closer to Emmett still sitting down.

I slowly got up and walked to the supplies. I stood in the middle of the circle. I turned around and grabbed the bucket of water and turned to look at every body. I quickly shut my eyes and dunked the water on my head, feeling it soak through my clothes. I felt ice fall on my head. I started shivering uncontrollably. Everybody was chuckling or giggling or trying to hold it in but not doing very well. I glared at everyone in turn. I looked down at my soaked self. _Crap_. My top was soaked and completely see through. I felt everyone's eyes glued on me.

I grabbed the chocolate sauce and unscrewed the cap and did the same as I had with the water. At least I could lick the chocolate sauce of my lips.

I figured I must've looked pretty ridiculous as everyone started howling with laughter. I growled and scooped up the mustard powder and chucked it on my head. I wiped the stuff of my eyes and then steadied myself on one foot.

I wobbled more than once and nearly fell on multiple people and I felt a cough come to me. _Great_ _another_ cold.

"Five minutes up Belly." I heard Emmett tell me. I sighed in relief. Emmett turned around to put everything away but he was _so_ not getting away that easily. I jumped on his back and but my mucky hands over his eyes. I smothered him in the mess on me while he screamed and screamed.

Once I my lungs had burst from laughing I jumped off Emmett. I started to walk past him.

"Revenge's a bitch Emmett." I told him turning around to grin at Edward. His lovely crooked smile shone back at me, making my heart stop.

"Bella have a shower then go and into…" Edward turned to look at Tanya but turned back to me.

"My wardrobe and take something. I don't mind." He said to me in a caring tone. Something I used to REALLY miss. He grinned at me making me of course grin back and skip to the bathroom.

I put the shower up as high as it could go and let it run over me. I used the vanilla body wash… it was nice but nothing compared to my strawberry one.

I wrapped myself in a soft towel that I _hoped _was Edward's then walked to the only room in the apartment. I was quite easy to find which wardrobe was Edward's. The wardrobes were both open.

I looked at the open boxes at the bottom. One of them said THROW OUT. In big letters and in it was one of my old blue mid-thigh T-shirts and a pair of my old sweatpants. They smelt of me slightly and slightly of Edward. I remember he would always this on a trip to sleep with it or something and in return he would give _me_ something to cuddle in bed.

I nearly cried but managed to scurry back to the bathroom. I pulled them on feeling way more comfortable. I then put my mucky towel I used to wipe off chocolate sauce and stuff. I put in the washing machine and washed it. I stuffed _my_ mucky things in a plastic bag. When I went bag into the front room I saw that Tanya had left and that everyone else was fighting over what pizza to order.

Everybody looked at me as I walked in and they were surprised I was wearing something of mine.

"Well at least there is a use for it. You can keep it" Edward said looking slightly uncomfortable probably just making the connection that this was mine. I sat on the nearest couch letting everybody else carry on fighting over pizza.

Surprisingly Edward followed me and sat by me. "So… that's yours? May I ask why I had it?"

I turned so I could face him " You had it because whenever you went away you would take something of mine so it could remind you of me and you would leave me something as well. This was the thing you took on… that trip." I finished starting to choke up.

"I'm sorry Bella." He mumbled to me sincerely, rubbing circles on my back, making me feel better instantly.

"Where's umm…. Where's Tanya?" I asked Edward for some reason actually wondering why she wasn't clinging to Edward. I liked the change.

"She didn't feel like being here with all of us so she left to find some of her friends and have a chick night." He said looking at the floor clearly wanting everyone to get along clearly wanting to have everyone pleased.

"We're having sushi!" I heard Emmett yell and start dialling.

"Finally" I muttered, hearing Edward chuckle beside me. The sound was music

Lesson one in life Edward is _you can't please everyone find your life and get on with it. Just accept it if someone has a stick up their ass. If you keep trying to please everyone your life will splat and you'll feel like a stick ass. ACCEPT THIS!_

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**_REVIEW IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH!_**

**_(Just kidding but still review)_**

**_BigBlackEyes_**

**_XOXOXOXOXOX_**


	7. Graduation

_**HELLO GUYS! Tell me if this chappie had come too soon in the story because I like the chappie but I wasnt so sure when I wrote it. ENJOY!**_

**Graduation**

IT'S GRADUATION! WOOHOO! Well not for me. It _sucks!_ Alice, Rose, Jasper, Edward _and_ Emmett are all graduating and _I'm_ stuck at college. I kept on getting looks of pity when they told me. It is now their day of graduation and Alice is making sure _I_ am as dressed up as them. I AM NOT EVEN GRADUATING!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Bella!" Alice whined "Get into the dress!" I was a deep blue above knee tube dress that flared out a little. _Way_ too dressy in my opinion. And to go with it were the very things that would make me _murder_ myself. 4 inch heels!

"Alllllice! I'm not even graduating!" I moaned. My eyes sending death glares to the shoes.

"I know you're not but you have to look perfect when you're cheering for us _and_ you have to look perfect because we are going to have a celebration afterwards!" She said cheerfully, shoving the dress and shoes into my arms and pushing me towards her bathroom.

I had a short shower and shoved into the dress. It was _way_ to body fitting. I put the death traps on my feet and stumbled out of the bathroom. On the bed I saw a small blue jacket on the bed. God thank Alice my fashion freak.

I knocked on my door twice and Rose and Alice bounded in, pushing me into a chair and getting out their torture devices.

I decided to fall asleep as we had 2 hours left and they would probably be finished by that time.

When they prodded me awake I gasped as I looked into the mirror. My hair had been straightened and part of it had been pinned back. My lips were a glossy pink and I had light blue eye shadow and lots of mascara. They didn't put on blush. They knew I would give off enough naturally.

They gave me a little lesson on how to not fall over in my heels and then we were off. We went in Alice's yellow Porsche. We were there within a matter of minutes and we met the others at the door. Emmett advanced to hug me but Alice came to my rescue.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER EMMETT CULLEN! I SPENT _TWO_ HOURS ON HER SO BACK AWAY!" Alice yelled at him. Emmett backed away, looking scared. They walked in through the side door and waved at me as I followed the crowd through the front door and sat in the front row with all the crying mothers as there were no seats left… sadly.

I grinned and cheered as Alice, Edward and Emmett walked across the stage and did the same as Jasper and Rosalie _finally_ got their lime light.

I managed to stay awake through the rest of the ceremony and then I trekked around to find the others. I found them at the door and then I was pulled against my will to Alice's car.

She speeded along the high way before stopping at _Future Flash_. The newest and _coolest_ club apparently. I groaned as Rose and Alice grinned broadly and dragged me in. They grinned at the bouncer and were able to push in front with me and get in.

When I walked in I saw a large bar on the side with a selection of drinks on the bench. A load of screaming dancing bodies were on the multi coloured dance floor. A DJ was up on stage. Small puffs of smoke emitted from the ceiling and multi coloured lights moved around crazily. I now knew why everyone liked this place. I walked shakily to the bar and I ordered 6 shots. One for each of us.

"AWWWWWWWW! THANKS BELLY!" Emmett yelled before downing his drink in record time and ordering another one.

"THANKS BELLS!" The others shouted and downed their drinks as well.

"Thank you Bella" I heard a much more musical voice whisper in my ear. I jumped in surprise and I heard him chuckle and then go off with the boys.

I was being a good girl and not drinking that much. I groaned again as the girls pulled me out to dance and surprisingly it wasn't that bad. I felt _good_ letting go for those few short moments head banging and dancing crazily. When we walked back to get a drink we were hot and red and tired.

Alice went to dance with Jazz and Rose went to dance with Emmett and me and Edward were left. I knew it would be too awkward dancing with him in a club so we ordered drinks and sat talking. This was slowly becoming one of the best nights of my life.

When the others came back they were all hot and tired and they collapsed beside us and a new conversation started up. We were all left in a giggling heap, clutching our sides. Edward didn't trust any of them to go home by themselves.

"EVERY BODY COME AND STAY THE NIGHT AT MY HOUSE! YOU GET EVEN MORE KNOCKED IF YOU LIKE!" He yelled over all the music. Everyone screamed a yes.

We were all tipsy as we left I tripped, stumbling backwards and right into Edward's chest. _Damn these fucking heels! _He just chuckled once more and righted me before walking over to Emmett's jeep.

I was most sober and drove Alice's Porsche to Edward's house, driving right behind the boys.

We arrived at the apartment block and as we walked to the elevator we were all giggling due to Emmett until a lady came out and told us to be quiet. But that made us laugh even harder.

We had the best time in the elevator giggling as you could ever had and then when we got to Edward's apartment we all tried to squish through the door.

I heard Rose and Alice gasp and point into the hall. I looked at where they were pointing and saw… _Oooh shit! _

I saw Tanya passionately kissing a boy I recognised as Mike Newton. I felt Edward tense and freeze beside me.

I saw them pull apart and hug each other close and then I heard those words everyone wants to hear from someone.

"I love you Tanya" Mike Newton whispered to her. They were till unaware of our presence.

"I love you Mike… A lot" Tanya replied, giving him a quick peck before they both turned around… finding us. Tanya gasped and Mike cringed. Edward was still frozen and his eyes looked misty. His face was taut and pinched. I couldn't bear to see him like that. It made my heart break.

"Edward I"- Tanya gasped out looking shocked

"_Get out"_ I heard Edward whisper softly, sounding lost.

"Edward I"- Tanya tried again

"_Get out"_ He whispered louder but it came out more like a hiss this time.

"Edward… dude… mate"- I couldn't understand why Mike sounded so relaxed.

"GET OUT!" Edward snarled.

Mike shuffled past us all quickly. We were all snarling at him. Tanya started crying softly and ran to their room and came back later with a large suitcase and went and joined Mike in the hall. We all looked down at her with venom.

How could she _do_ such a thing! Especially to someone as perfect Edward.

Edward tensed again and stormed up to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him leaving us in the doorway.

We all packed ourselves into Emmett's jeep and I drove everyone home. When I got home I collapsed on the couch weeping. I didn't get _why_ I was so happy that they had broken up. Was I destined for hell? _Why_ was I so happy that they had broken up if it caused Edward this much pain?

I know because now I had a _chance_. It was small but still there. Right.

I hate myself.

**EPOV**

I got ready for graduation by myself. Tanya told me before she wasn't coming and that she had a project to finish.

Emmett picked me up and then Jasper. The girls were over at Bella's. Emmett as usual boasted about his car and how great it was and how it could go on gravel road before Jasper and I both punched him in unison and told him to shut the fuck up.

"Geeze just cause you guys have shitier cars…"

"Shut your fucking mouth before I kill you or you kill us all." I said mockingly but seriously.

"Yeah dude" Jasper said from the back.

"Stop ganging up on me guys!" Emmett whined as he parked. We all jumped out of the car chuckling and waited by the front door where we had to wait for the girls.

We didn't wait long though.

We saw the Rose and Alice grinning and Bella looking self-conscious. She did look beautiful. She had on a deep blue tube dress that hugged her perfectly. The colour of her dressed contrasted with her skin perfectly. Her hair had been straightened and her makeup was perfect. It wouldn't have mattered if she hadn't had any on. She looked good either way.

Emmett turned towards Bella to hug her and I instantly felt sorry for her but Alice quickly came to her rescue.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER EMMETT CULLEN!I SPENT _TWO_ HOURS ON HER SO BACK AWAY!" She screamed at him. I almost laughed as fear crossed Emmett's face.

We started walking to the side door to get our funny cloaks and I instantly felt bad for leaving Bella there alone. I'm sure everyone did as we waved goodbye to her.

I grabbed my funny black cloak that draped over me making me looks stupid and I wore my hat at an angle so I didn't look as dorky. We then pushed around the room to get in line.

As Alice's name was called I heard Bella cheer for her. I started to feel nervous as she crossed the stage. How did she stay so composed?

"Edward Cullen!" I heard the voice yell. I started walking but I immediately heard Bella cheering me on and that made all my nervousness evaporate. It was great having a friend like Bella. I looked down at her briefly and saw her grin shining back up at me.

I shook the man's and and grabbed my degree. I walked off the stage grinning, Bella still cheering for me.

I gave Alice a hug, lifting her off the ground, making her squeal but she did hug me back. I enveloped her tiny body.

We screamed and cheered with Bella as Emmett, Jasper and Rose crossed the stage, all giving us hugs. Rose and Alice were crying all over each other. They had to leave after a while to fix their makeup.

We waited not so patiently for the graduation to end and then finally we were able to fight our way through the crowd to go and meet Bella.

Bella didn't know where we were going to celebrate and I'm sure she'd be pretty pissed when she found out though. She came in a couple of minutes and within seconds she was being dragged to Alice's car. I wished I had been able to say thankyou to her.

When we got to _Future Flash_ we were able to push in the line as the girls were able to put the bouncer in a trance. I wasn't surprised.

The club had a large multi coloured dance floor and coloured lights flashing across from the ceiling to floor. There was a DJ up on stage and many dancing bodies on the dance floor. There was a large bar with drinks lined up and waiting there was Bella with six shots she had bought for us.

AWWWWWWWW! THANKS BELLY!" Emmett yelled at her before downing his drink with super speed.

"THANKS BELLS!" The rest of us yelled,downning our shots, but I still had to thank her for erasing my nervousness at graduation.

"Thankyou Bella." I whispered in her, making her jumped. I chuckled lightly before following the dudes to a booth. We immediately started a conversation on sports until Jasper and Emmett stopped, their eyes locked in the middle of the dance floor.

I followed their gaze and saw the girls dancing. I had to admit they looked pretty good but I knew Jasper and Emmett were drooling.

When the song finished the girls stumbled to the bar. We quickly followed them. They were red, tired and hot. They each got a cold drink then Alice went to dance with Jasper and Rose went to dance with Emmett leaving me and Bella. I certaintly wasn't going to _dance_ with her in a club like this and dancing like _that_. It would be _way_ too awkward but then Bella started up a converstaion and we both became perfectly content just talking to each other.

Bella is funny, witty, smart and charming. Even though I was listening intently to her I was still trying to sort out my little flashes of memory, seeing which ones fit together, if any had anything to do with Bella but _nada,_ _zilch! _Nothing!

All I remember is the pilot saying over the loud speaker that a wing had ripped off the plane and that we were crash landing. Then I remember grabbing my backpack and grabbing my phone, trying to dial a number,_ but what number?_ Then I remember fire, lots and lots of fire, burning me. I remember the smoke clouding me as I crawled out and then it was just all blackness.

The others came back and we all trailed around and found a free booth. Nearly everyone except Bella and me were getting past tipsy and were close to full on drunkness. They'd all kill themselves going home.

"EVERY BODY COME AND STAY THE NIGHT AT MY HOUSE! YOU GET EVEN MORE KNOCKED IF YOU LIKE!" I shouted over the music. They all screamed a yes so we headed towards the door Emmett making jokes every so often, leaving us in stitches.

I drove the dudes back to my place as Bella drove the girls to my place, driving right behind us.

When we got to the apartment block Emmett succeded in making us laugh again. As we trailed down the halls we were all clutching our sides and laughing loudly until a lady came out and told us to be quiet… but that resulted in us laughing even harder. We crammed into the elevator an supported ourselves against the walls. When we got to my floor, we ran to my apartment and crammed in the doorway as I opened the door. Then we all crammed _in_ the door as a result of trying to get in.

Rose and Alice gasped and pointed, I followed where their arms led and what I saw made me feel all hollow. Like someone had dug everything out of me.

Tanya was passionately kissing a dude I knew as Mike Newton

_This was why she never kissed me back properly or told me that she loved me back._

I felt stupid and betrayed. I felt worthless.

"I love you Tanya." Mike whispered in her eye as they pulled away. I felt anger and rage boil inside me. _How long had I been a trophy to her? How long had she been cheating on me?_

All these question and no answers. I had questions about _everything_ and never got any answers.

"I love you Mike… A lot?" She whispered back, giving him a quick kiss before they turned around… finding us all crammed in the door way. I tensed and froze, my face pinching and tautening. Tanya gasped and Mike flinched their eyeslocked on us. I pushed myself out of the doorway and looked and them, misty eyed.

"Edward I"- Tanya gasped shocked, surpised and embarassed

"_Get out"_ I whispered softly at them

"Edward I"- Tanya tried again, composing herself less

"_Get out!"_ I hissed louder. They both flinched. I felt lost, away from everything.

"Edward… dude… mate"- Mike tried this time. _Why did he sound so relaxed?_

"GET OUT!" I snarled at them, giving them death stares.

Mike shuffled past me. I didn't look around. Tanya started weeping and ran upstairs to get her stuff. I minutes she was back with a large suitcase. She passed me without saying anything, just weeping.

I stormed up to my room, forgetting everyone else crammed in the doorway. I slammed the door behind me and stared into my half empty room.

I sat down on my bed and put my head in my hands. But I didn't cry. I didn't shout. I just sat there thinking.

_Should I be happy she left? Or should I be sad? She was the first person I met when I got out of hospital and she said we just clicked. But I was just a trophy all this time. For a while she had never been affectionate to me but I put up with it. I was always nice to her. But I never knew about Mike._

I had this mixture of emotions with no clue of which one to pick.

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	8. Meadow

_**Hello! I am SO sorry 4 not updating my intenet had shut off. I was REALLY pissed believe me but now I'm happy again since it is back on and I can update again. Please keep me happy by reviewing! Enjoy!**_

**Meadow**

**BPOV**

Edward hadn't resurfaced yet. Every time we went to see him we would either not say anything and lock his bedroom door or he would shout at us to go home and not worry about his shitty life.

Everyone including me was in despair. We all came up with the solution to just leave him alone but that didn't work either so now we all agreed to let me go alone and help him because I'm the one that knows him '_the most'. _A part of me kept on saying that he would just shout me down like usual but I held my head high and I was full of wild hopes as I walked down the hall to his apartment.

His door was ajar and everything was exactly like it had been, the last time I came with Alice. I shut the door behind me loudly hopefully alerting Edward of my presence. Then I plodded my way to his room. His door was surprisingly open and for the first time in 2 weeks I saw Edward.

He was lying on his back on his bed, dark purple circles under his eyes. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes misty and blank, deep in thought. I walked towards him slowly.

"What are you doing here?" He whispered softly, his lips barely moving.

"I came here to get you out of this crap and live again." I stated making him show a small smile. "And since I know how you feel and I apparently 'know you the best' I was assigned for this mission and I"- I stopped. I had just had the greatest idea. Somebody should've put a light bulb above my head.

"C'mon Edward get your butt out of bed I have something to show you." My voice was too high and excited even to me. Edward caught on, his eyes lit up but he still looked depressed. I walked downstairs and he met me down there in a matter of minutes.

We loaded ourselves into the car and then I speeded towards the country side. I stopped and the forest and instead of taking the trail I took the other path trailing too deep into the forest to be safe. Edward dragged himself out reluctantly and followed me.

"Where are we going?" He asked me when we had been walking for about an hour. I was disappointed I had hoped and hoped that he would remember this place.

"You really don't know?" I asked quietly, looking down cast.

"Sorry." He mumbled back looking away.

"You don't need to say sorry. You'll love this place all the same" I said cheerfully and then I started running. Edward laughed and easily over took me but he held back to keep in pace with me.

Within minutes we had broken through the frame of the tree and we had found the meadow. My beautiful secret place where I could feel closest to Edward. Flowers were blooming everywhere and the grass was soft and lush and I could hear the stream in the distance. I smiled and lay down. I hadn't been here in months.

Edward followed in suit. He was grinning widly and staring at the sky.

"This place is beautiful" He murmured softly. I didn't reply but he knew I was agreeing with him.

"You used to take me here. You showed me that something as beautiful as this existed." I told him gently. It was nearly funny to see the look of surprise and shock cross his face. _Nearly funnny._

"Really? I mean… wow…" He sighed.

"Yeah…"I said but now I had to get serious "But bow back to business… Edward are you happy that Tanya… left?" I asked timidly, slowly tilting my head to get a better look at him. His face had tensed and was now rigid and taut. He looked frozen.

"I- I don't know. She was there most of the time with the exception of graduation… and now I know why. But she never returned the care and affection I showed her. So… so I guess I am a bit happy at least that she is gone but now the apartment is empty and I have no one when you guys are out and I guess… well I never liked being alone all I remember was that I always had _someone_ and now I have no one to love." He sounded so sad and forlorn… but at least he _was_ getting over Tanya a bit.

"I really don't feel like talking about something so ugly in a beautiful place like this" he muttered softly.

"You mean _your_ beautiful place." I stated in the same tone. Confusion swept over his face.

"What?" He asked, propping himself up with his arms so he could look at me properly.

"You found this place and I'm pretty sure no one else has so it is therefor _your_ beautiful place." I told him cheerily, happiness changed his face and he looked much, much better than before.

"You mean our beautiful place. You rediscovered and found this place and showed it to me so now it is our beautiful place a small little secret." He said his eyes boring into mine and as soon as we had established that I had told no one about it we both lay back on the grass happily content in the comfortable silence.

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe that Bella took me to such a beautiful place. My depression flooded away from me and I instantly felt better than ever.

It felt so good calling it _Our Meadow_. I loved the way it rolled of my tongue and I still couldn't believe that _I _was the one that had discovered this place when I was fourteen. Bella told me the whole history of it. The things I had told her.

I guess I am sort of glad the Tanya is gone but now there _is_ no one else to love and I _am_ all alone when everyone else is gone.

I had the best time in the meadow with Bella, I was feeling… relaxed for once and more at ease. My mind was clear and I could think easier. I didn't have the same fog clouding up my vision.

Bella unintentionally fell asleep just as the sun was setting. It had been a long day and I was tired too. I comfortably picked her up bridal style and took her back to her truck.

I drover her to her apartment and lightly shook her awake. She apologised profusely before giving me a quick hug and disapearing into her apartment.

I walked home slowly in no rush. I would be geeted by the same emptiness and lonliness. I did feel happy though… light. Like I was walking on air. I was even feeling elated when I had to carry Bella through the forest. It felt like I had done it many times before.

It felt welcoming.

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**_BigBlackEyes_**

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	9. Lauren

_**Hey guys PLEASE PLEASE dont hate one me for this chapter. You guys will be thanking me soon. I needed a bit more drama. Thamks! Enjoy this chapter!**_

**Lauren **

**BPOV**

Ever since I took Edward to meadow it seems to have blown a new life into him. A wrong life. I mean it's good that he's happy again. He jokes around more and he doesn't stay holed up in his room anymore but I absolutely felt like screaming at him and smacking him in the face multiple times when he asked Lauren Mallory out she is the Number 1 Slutty Cheerleader Head ever born.

She is nice to Edward… Maybe _too_ nice and she is really pretty but still! God for someone smart he has the WORST taste in women first Tanya and then Lauren? What gives?

It's good that they've _both_ graduated otherwise my heart would be continually broken and I would be crying and barfing at the same time.

Lauren seems like the happiest girl in the world now and I can see why. I mean who wouldn't _be_ happy with Edward. I know Lauren doesn't like Edward for Edward. I know she only likes his looks.

I know Alice gave him a REAL shout down when she found out. So did Emmett and Rose. I just stayed holed up in my room with whoever wasn't down there. I've been trying _really_ hard to act normal but I know Edward knows that something's bugging me but for some reason he doesn't know _what_.

"Bella I know something's up and I know it has something to do with me since you're being more distant. Please tell me." He said to me at our weekly movie night. _Our_ as in Edward, Emmett, Jazz, Rose, Alice and me and sometimes _Lauren_. Then he did that irresistible puppy dog face and I had to fight myself so I didn't tell him.

"Nothing honest. Have I been distant?" I asked him and before he could reply I moved onto the floor and sat with Rose. She looked at me questioningly but she dropped it.

He asks me the question every week but I do the same thing every time. I deny it and move away. It's hard since he makes an effort to every time sit by me.

**EPOV**

When Bella took me to the meadow I came back to my senses. I go there as much as I can now. I'm quite happy with Lauren now. She was always friendly to me even before I asked her out. I don't want to go to fast though. I don't want another Tanya episode.

Bella is being very distant to me. Not as friendly and more closed. I'm determined to know what's making her sad _and_ what I've done wrong.

Bella, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rose and I were all sitting in front of the TV on one of our weekly movie nights. I made an effort to sit by her.

"Bella I know something's up and I know it has something to do with me since you're being more distant. Please tell me." Then I put on my puppy dog face that people said was really cute. Bella didn't reply for a while. Different emotions crossed her face.

"Nothing honest. Have I been distant?" She asked and then she quickly moved onto the floor to sit with Rose. I knew she was lying. She's a terrible liar. Every week I sit by her and ask her the same thing but she always denies and moves away. It pains me to know that I am hurting her and that our friendship is crumbling right when we just became friends.

I had just called Lauren to tell her that I was going to take her to the new Italian restaurant when Alice walked into the room. Her face was red and she was _angry_… at me.

She pushed me roughly into a chair and then started screaming. "EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN YOU HAVE THE WORST TASTE IN WOMAN! WHY DO YOU GO FOR ALL THE SLUTS THAT JUST LIKE YOUR LOOKS? YOU'RE SMARTER THAN THAT! FIRST TANYA NOW LAUREN WHICH FOR YOUR INFORMATION HAS BULLIED ME BELLA AND ROSE AND STILL IS? WHEN ARE YOU GONNA SEE SENSE EDWARD! SWEAR AT THIS VERY MOMENT THAT I _CAN'T _BE RELATED TO YOU!" Ouch. I didn't know Alice could sting _that_ much. I don't get what I am supposed to do! Who am I supposed to date? Isn't it _my_ decision? Alice expects too much of me! Everyone does and I don't know what to do!

I just sat there silently until Alice calmed down and her face softened. "I just don't want you to get hurt. I don't want another Tanya episode that will get you holed up in your room until someone has to come and knock sense into you with a bat." She told me softly, giving me a hug and walking upstairs. Probably to talk to Emmett to come down and shout at me as well.

I didn't get out of my seat when I heard his footsteps thump down the stairs. I leaned down in my chair.

"Dude I'm not here to shout at you I just wanna know what was going through your head. Dude you know he bullied the girls and she still is. How can you put up with a whiny brat?" He asked me and that's when I snapped.

"It's not up to you guys to tell me who I should and shouldn't date. That's _my_ decision okay." I pushed past him and jogged upstairs to my room. I collapsed onto my bed.

Okay I know she bullied the girls but she told me that she had said sorry and she promised that she wouldn't do it again. I saw her say it to them although obviously the others don't believe her. I knew it was only a matter of time before Rose came and gave me a piece of her mind so I decided to stay in my room

Who did they think they were telling me what to do and who to date I mean I appreciate their concern but this is something they don't need to butt into.

I wish they were more understanding

But's that's sibling love for you.

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**_BigBlackEyes_**

**_XOXOXOXOXOX_**


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